my messiest day ever...yet another story involving poop.

let me first say, it's not that the bathroom stories are the only ones i find funny, it's just that, well, this is my life. uncut and uncensored. and they are pretty funny...about an hour later after i've cleaned up the mess. :)

colby came in to our bedroom at about 7:00 this morning to finish sleeping, more or less. at 7:15ish i was just about to wake him up to get ready for mother's day out, when i see him sit up really quick and point to his face. i hear allen say,
allen: "oh, babe we've got major snot here."
me: "hold on. i'll get a kleenex."
allen: "oh, he's throwing up!"
so i grab a towel out from under the sink to clean up the mess, or maybe just catch some of it before it gets all over my white bedspread (who's idea was that??) and run into the bedroom. i later realized i had scraped the top of my foot pretty good in the process; it's amazing what you don't feel when you're focused, huh?
i find allen with his hands cupped under colby's mouth, catching last nights spaghettio's and french fries (don't judge me) as they revisited us this morning. colby's pretty much done throwing up at this point, and now allen's trying his best to keep his taco bueno dinner from joining the party.
allen: (between gags)"it's all over his foot."
me: "and the bedspread. i got it, babe. go...do whatever you need to do."
allen's gone. washing his hands and cleaning himself up. he held it together, by the way.
me: "so i guess he's not going to school today. i still have to go to the grocery store. i'll just do that and then we'll come home." (bad decision, as you will soon hear, er, read about.)
no i'm not a horrible mother that takes her vomiting feverish son out in public with no regard to his 'condition'. he was feeling perfectly fine, no fever. he was pretty snotty before he went to bed last night, so honestly, i thought the drainage had settled in his stomach while he was sleeping and thats what caused the throwing up. i figured he'd be ok now that he'd gotten that out of his system.
he had a little diarrhea shortly after the vomiting incident, but again, i thought it was still just the drainage.
allen left for work, and we loaded up for the grovery store. i drove through starbucks to get us each a drink (milk for them. the hard stuff for me) and then on to wal-mart....
colby: "i have to poop! i have to poop!"
me: "colby, you'll have to hold it love. you can go when we get to the store."
colby: "i have to go now."
i called my grandparents who are between starbucks and wal-mart and asked them if i could bring colby over to use their bathroom. i got the ok, so we made a pit stop at memaw's and papaw's house. more diarrhea.
we get to walmart and the first half of the excursion is mostly uneventful. they each picked out a toy with their birthday money, so thats keeping them more or less occupied as i try to finish up.
colby: "mommy, i pooped a little."
me: "what?"
colby: "i pooped in my pants."
me: "just now?"
colby: "yes. it was just an accident."
me: "stand up and let me see."
sure enough, he had 'leaked' just a little. it had soaked through his underwear and shorts, but was, by no means, reason to leave my almost full basket in the middle of the store and go home.
me: "colby, we're almost done. then we'll get you cleaned up and go home."
while i'm checking out, molly poops. great timing. a little runny, but not too bad.
out at the car, before the back was filled with groceries, i changed molly, and stripped colby down to just a t-shirt (naked from the waist down) and wiped him off.
on the way home colby (still naked from the waist down) says,
colby: "mommy, i have to poop again!"
me: "colby, you'll have to hold it, baby. i'm going as fast as i can! please hold on. squeeze your butt cheeks together! (yes i said that. like he even knows what that means. we dont use the word butt, or cheeks in reference to the butt, around them.)
colby: "i can't."
me: "please, colby!!"
colby: "mommy!"
allen calls me at that moment and i give him the rundown of what our morning has looked like so far, while at the same time trying to keep my son from having diarrhea in my car.
we get home and i very quickly get out (at this moment it starts sprinkling outside. thats all i need right now) and run around to colbys door. i open it to find him throwing up the chocolate milk he had sucked down about an hour and a half before that.
me: "oh, no!"
molly: "mommy, colby's spittin!"
me: "no. he's throwing up."
i let him finish, then take him out of the car, and take his shirt off of him.
my precious 4 year old is standing in the driveway, completely naked, covered in vomit from the waist down, and in his hair from when i pulled his shirt off.
colby: "mommy, i still have to poop."
me: "just go colby. right there."
so he did. diarrhea. on the driveway. naked.
colby: "it's sliding down my legs!"
making memories.
at this point i'm at a loss. i have no clue what to do. do i carry him in? he has throw up all over him and poop running down his legs. i love him, but i'm not picking him up like that.
he needs a bath.
so i got the water hose. i sprayed him down where he stood, then sprayed off the driveway and his carseat. it was a little chilly outside, so he wasn't a big fan of my chosen method. i actually had to chase him a bit. i wonder what the nieghbors would have thought had they been looking out their window at that moment. it was probably a bit ridiculous to see.
i wrapped him up in a big fluffy towel, and brought him in to a warm bath.
oh, i had called allen right after he threw up and told him to come home, so he showed up right about the time colby was put in the tub.
he cleaned off the carseat while i unloaded the groceries.
then he took my car up to the wash tub and used his gift certificate to have my car cleaned (sweet husband!). he said the guy was super rude when he told him to pay extra attention to the passenger side, because his son had thrown up. i had cleaned most of it up. it just needed attention to the carpet and the smell in general. they were going to charge him $15 extra just for that! allen had a word with the gentleman, and he did not have to pay the extra charge. :)
back at home, more diarrhea.
and, as i typed this, i had to get up and go help colby, who pooped on the floor while he was standing up to pee....again. (click the link for that story, in case you missed it.)

all this before 1pm.
i wonder what the rest of our day will hold. :)

happy monday!!!

peeing in a cup

yet another bathroom story. :)

colby and molly had their 4 year and 2 year check ups today.

colby had to do a urine test, among other things, so i made sure he drank plenty of fluids this morning before we headed out to the drs office. the child can go for hours without using the bathroom (honestly, its ridiculous), so i knew he'd be able to give me something when the time came.

when we got there the receptionist sent us right on back to the restroom to do the sample, so off i go to the bathroom with my 2 kids, my purse (why did i bring the big one today?), and 2 clipboards with waivers and things for me to sign (yes, i have 2 kids, but why cant they put it all on one clipboard???). i walk into the bathroom, which smells like stale pee, and theres no little table to put my stuff on, or hook to hang my purse on the door. nuthin. so i begrudgingly set my load on the floor (ick) and proceeded with the sample collection.

i had told colby last night before he went to bed that he would need to pee in a cup at the drs office so they could test his pee and make sure he's healthy. he was actually excited about the idea. no worries.

i labeled the plastic 'collection cup', and held it in the line of fire. let me interject at this point, that i did not have him go stand by the toilet. i thought to myself, "he doesnt need to stand by the toilet. he's not peeing in the toilet. hes peeing in a cup." yes, i did think through it pretty much just like that. so he starts to pee. and pee. and pee. and pee. oh, no.....the cup is getting full.

me: "stop peeing colby! stop! hold it!"

colby: "i still have more pee! i can't stop!"

so i reach over and grab another cup and switch them out real quick. i don't know what he thought he was doing but he moved his penis, maybe to accomodate for the switching of the 'collection cup', and he sprayed pee all over my arm and skirt, and the floor. meanwhile i'm yelling at molly to not touch the almost overflowing first 'collection cup' that i set off to the side so he could proceed to fill the second 'collection cup'. seriously. this is happening to me.

and guess what...there was a third collection cup. and a fourth.

me: "good night, colby. how much did you drink this morning?"

colby: "well, i didn't potty when i got up becuase i wanted to save it all for the cup."

how nice of him. and boy did he ever. he filled 3 cups and made almost halfway up the fourth one. so i dumped the first 3 cups in the toilet and cleaned up the mess we made. molly managed to come out of the incident unscathed, thank goodness. at least one of us didn't smell like pee.

no wonder that bathroom smells like it does. i would like to think thats not the first time something like that has happened.

thats what i'll keep telling myself, anyway. ;)

allen told me later that i could have "pinched it off like a water hose". a lot of good that does me now. i'll file that away in case i ever again find myself in such a predicament. lets hope not. mental note; always stand near a toilet when giving a urine sample. always.

halloween pictures!!

accident number three...i think

soooo, colby just had another 'accident' on my bathroom floor. this one, however, was oh so different.
allen had just stripped him down to get in the tub (yes i realize its 4:45, but theres a sitter coming over and i dont want her to have to do it, and they stink so it cant wait till morning) and he went on his way. a couple of minutes later he came out and allen says,
allen: "colby go get in the bathtub."
colby: "i had an accident."
allen: "what did you do?"
me: "he probably peed on the floor." (no big deal, i think to myself)

time passes and no sign of them, so i go back to assess the damage and see how i can be of assistance.

me: "did he pee?"
allen: "he pooped."
me: "what?"
allen: "on the floor."
me: "WHAT?"

i walk over and sure enough theres poop on the floor (actually on that little rug in from of the toilet). gag.

colby: "it was just an accident mommy."
me: "why did you poop on the floor??"
allen: "he was standing to pee and had to poop too, so out it came, i guess."

i start giggling to myself. it is funny. i'm imagining my sweet boy, who hates to dissapoint, standing there to pee (he's finally tall enough, so i gave him the 'ok' to do that) and suddenly he realizes he has to poop too! what should he do? oh, crap. literally.
bless his heart.
i couldn't be mad. i kept hearing, "it was just an accident, mommy."

i'll post halloween pictures soon. :)

happy birthday!!

we celebrated the kids' birthdays on saturday.

today is actually colbys birthday; he's 4. molly will be 2 on the 8th.

we had their party at petland-not petco, not petsmart. petland. its a much smaller version of the other two, but petland actually sells pets, whereas the others typically do not. when i say pets i dont mean fish and birds. we're talking dogs, cats, hamsters, ferrets, bunnies, guinea pigs, and a few reptiles. its very cool and theres a party room in the back. you get the room for an hour and a half and they bring you whatever animals you want to play with , 2 at a time. the kids sit in a circle on their bottoms (yeah right) and each has their turn to love on whatever is in the room at that moment (usually looking for a corner to hide in, poor things).

we saw all kinds of puppies, 1 kitten and 1 bunny. we didnt really get any great pictures of that with all the kids running around and such, but there are some cute ones from the cake and present time.

the first pic is of colby and his best bud evan at the zoo last week. they're so cute!

this was taken while everyone was singing 'happy birthday', you cant tell as much in this picture, but she was soooo excited that everyone was singing to her! too cute.

obviously he was really happy about this gift--the Toy Story figure set from the disney store.

halloween cake- seriously?

**UPDATE**
colby's poop has had a really odd blueish color to it for the past 2 days. i honestly think it's diluted black icing! sooo fun fact: black icing makes your poop blue.

you can find a cake for every occasion these days. colby and molly received their first ever halloween cakes this afternoon. mimi and papa came in town for a birthday get together. the kids' party is this evening, and they didnt want to be here too late, so they drove in this morning and we did presents with them followed by lunch, and then they headed back to h-town.

in addition to the birthday presents, colby and molly each got a halloween bag (think easter basket, but with halloween stickers and such rather than eggs), and a halloween cake. what color do you think the icing is on a halloween cake? that would be black. why would someone ever put black icing on a cake--especially a cake for a small child? at any rate the cakes were super cute and enjoyed greatly. well, molly hasnt had hers yet, but i'm sure she will love it. here are the results of an almost 4 year old eating black icing....

if i let him dress 'goth', i suppose this is what it would look like. for a split second, i think allen honestly thought i had put black lipstick on our son.

thank you mimi for the memories...and the mess. :)

colbys goatee

colby came home from school last week with a 'self-portrait' they had been working on for a few days. in his own mind, my 3-year-old has a goatee. why do i say that? because his self portrait has a blonde goatee. its been hanging on my kitchen cabinet (thats where i have to hang things, because our fridge isn't magnetic) since he brought it home, and every time i look at it i chuckle to myself a little bit. so i thought i'd share.

apparently, from what i'm told, some of the other boys thought the facial hair look was really cool, so they added one to their face too.

i got tagged!

my friend kristen tagged me and i have to post the 6th picture from the 6th file in my photos. so here it is....




















colby t. sitting on the roof of the playhouse, watching for the hurricane.
seriously.
so....i tag karen and christi