right now i'm wondering why i just asked my 2 year old and 4 year old if i could clip their fingernails. as if they're going to sit down with hands offered up to me and say, "oh, please mommy, please clip my fingernails. i will sit prefectly still." right.
my latest anxiety is my impending fame and noteriety.
my best friend from high school, zach, who has worked at the YMCA since we were 16 (i know, right?) called me the other day and said
zach: "i have some bad news."
me: "what's up?"
zach: "have you seen the picture on the wall at the Y?"
**zach does photography as a side business (he's awesome, and his name above is linked to his website) and a few years ago he was taking some pictures to put up around the gym. one of them is me on the eliptical machine. it's an 8X10, and for the most part, unoffensive (meaning it doesnt make me vomit everytime i see it).**
me: "the one of me on the eliptical?"
zach: "no. there's a new one."
me: "that you took?" (i know zach, wonderful thoughful zach, would not volunteer a picture of me that he knows i would not be ok with being plastered on some wall for public viewing. i think.)
zach: "no. i don't know who took this one. you're not going to like it."
me: "oh no. why?"
zach: "it's big. like, the size of one of those windows in the hallway. actually, it is a window. you're a window."
zach: "it gets worse."
zach: "it was taken about 8 weeks after you had molly."
me: "oh, NO."
zach: "yeah. it's not cute."
probably the understatement of the year. imagine with me, if you will, a lifesize picture of you at your worst. for me it was right after i had my babies. yes, i was obviously bigger when i was pregnant, but when you're pregnant, it's a cute fat. no one can tell by looking at that picture that i just had a baby, thereby giving me license to be 25 lbs heavier. i digress. then imagine that picture, that very very large picture, put up in a place where the goal is to be thin and physically fit. a place that you go 3 to 4 times a week to look the complete opposite of what is exhibited the giant picture of yourself. neat.
to add insult to injury, the picture was taken in a step class, right as i stepped up and extended my extra-cushy arms up over my head and exhaled. it's awful.
so i thought, no one will recognize me. i'm don't really look like that anymore.
then today at the gym, i had 2 people say something to me about my picture being on the wall. fantastic. i'm immortalized.
moving on. like i said. random.
i took the kids christmas shopping for allen yesterday. they had at one point told me they wanted to get daddy a book, so we went to barnes and noble (note to self: i have got to get a club card). colby's first choice was a book by dennis leary (picked totally at random, i assure you) called Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy, and Stupid. after i stopped laughing, i put it back and redirected my kids to another section. although i was tempted to get it just for a moment, just to see allens reaction when he opened it on christmas morning as colby looked on, anticipating daddys reaction to his so carefully chosen gift.
he then picked a book about poker because "daddy likes checkers." again, funny, but redirected. they both picked something they think allen will like. i didn't want to pick something for them. i wanted it to be their decision (with some gentle suggestion). colby came out with something completely different than what he went in for. molly stayed pretty well on track.
i can't tell what they picked because allen will read this and i don't want to spoil it. i'll leave it at this: he will laugh, and i kept the receipt.
i was feeling artistic yesterday and took some black and whites of the kids down at the arboretum. i'm no zach lambert, but i think they turned out pretty good. :)
oh, also, i'm trying to get a picture of the picture of me (did you follow that?). i took my camera to the gym yesterday morning. i go at 530am on tuesdays and thursdays so i thought the timing would be good for me to take a picture of it without looking like i was having myself on. but there were a couple of people on the treadmills right there infront of it. i'm sure their treadmill selection was strategic. they wanted to admire the fat lady in step class while they worked hard to not look like her. i'll try again tomorrow.